I want to start by thanking everyone for being here. If you are in this room I ask that for just a brief moment I want you to hold completely still and see if you can feel a warmth in your heart and a little sense of peace. I feel it. I feel lucky to be here and I hope you do as well. You see, if you are sitting here, right now, today that means that you are lucky enough to be part of community that was given the gift of having Mary Ann in your life. Being here today means that you got experience the unique kindness she had for everyone in her life.

Over the last few days I have been given a gift by so many of you. Every conversation started with, “Your mom was the kindest person I knew.” And you’re right. She really was. And her kindness was genuine and it was authentic. Genetically mom and I look very different. We share some physical traits but I wasn’t fortunate enough to inherit her blonde hair, blue eyes and stop a room in their tracks beauty. I did inherit her born-with, involuntary way of caring for others and being kind. Recently I had someone who I respect so much tell me that to feel so much of what others feel is a blessing and a curse. And she was right. Mom knew this too. That when you are born to this world and for no other reason than this is the way G-d made you; you live an intense emotional life. She embraced this side of herself almost to the point that many thought, is she for real? Yes. She was for real. Her kindness, her altruism, and her sincerity when she offered to help. It was all real. And how about her ability to never forget a date, an anniversary, birthday or milestone?! I’m not going to share her secret for how she did that, that would sort of be liking giving her way her secret brisket recipe, but take heart, she shared that secret with me.

Before I go any further this is the part, and for people who have spent any time with me know this to be true, that I give you a heads up, almost like those ratings they give movies and shows, that some of the material you are about to hear may not be appropriate for all ages. Although my mom taught me manners, a sense of decorum and appropriate behavior that was not enough to combat that I also inherited my father’s lack of a filter. So I pre-apologize for any offensive language or risqué dialogue. Oh and in case you’re interested because it get asked a lot, yes I do (did) kiss my mother with this mouth and yes, I did speak this way in front of her.

I want to start by telling you a love story that was written in the stars. Many of you may know it, some of you maybe never have heard it and some of you may not have had all the details. In 1961 when my mom was 18 and a senior in high school she told her mother she was spending the night at a girl friend’s. ( if any of you know who that “girlfriend” was please let me know who had her back and agreed to this lie. While my Grammy thought mom was at a sleep over she was actually cruising south down to Halifax, NC to elope with a boy named David. She arrived home the next day, told know one what she had done and went about life as normal. 2 months later she even went to prom with a different boy, who she was NOT married to! She told me once that she really didn’t know what she was thinking at the time but later realized that she had to have been looking for a father figure or male that was missing in her life. She told me that out of her insecurities she did it because he told her how much he loved her and how perfect she was and he wore her down. See, there are many blessings and curses in life that go hand in hand and for mom another was her beauty. When she was young she never felt that be people gave her credit for what was inside but only on the outside and that’s were some of the insecurity started. Everyone in this room knows that her intelligence and problem solving skills were every bit as powerful as her blue eyes.

So, back to our story. Mom didn’t get to attend college even though she was enrolled in the fall at University of Maryland. But once she was cold busted by her sister Charlene and jig was up Mom moved to Connecticut where David was already a college student and she began her married life. She converted to Judaism and studied the Torah and worked 6 days a week as a candy striper at the local husband. A perfect career for her don’t you think? About 2 years later she called her mom and said she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t stay married and could she come home. My Grammy looked for an attorney to help mom with her divorce. This is where fate comes in. One of mom’s best friends in high school, Esther Levy Blynn, her father knew of a young, fresh from the bar exam attorney who would be more than happy to take any case he could back then. Do you see where I’m going with this? It was love at first site for both although neither could admit that immediately to the other. Esther just told me yesterday how my dad told her father he couldn’t represent her because he had already fallen in love and was too distracted when in the same room as her to concentrate. Esther also told me that mom confided to them that she fell for Peter the minute she saw him asked Mr. Levy if he thought there was a chance that when the divorce was finalized that Peter would stay in touch with her and they could be friends because she knew it was inappropriate to date so soon. When dad went back to Mr. Levy to plead his case that he could not represent her feeling the way he did Mr. Levy told dad, “you know what Peter? I think everything is going to be ok.” Shortly after the dating did began mom fell horribly sick and slipped into a comma. Once she regained consciousness they were told that having kids would be next to impossible. I never liked as a kid when they joked about how much fun they had trying. They were meant to be best friends, husband and wife, mom and dad and grandparents together.

My mom was magical to me, actually she still is. I marveled as a young child how she knew the answer for every question. She knew exactly how cook every cut of meat and precisely how long to beat egg whites. My mom knew when my heart was broken and when I tried getting away with a lie. She knew when I was scared and lonely and when my insecurities got the best of me. She had a way of knowing exactly what to say and when to say it. My mom held on to those magic tricks well after I was grown and needed her magic as an adult.

Mom also had physical magic. She always had energy and would say to me, “Cin, I’m up for anything.” She woke up with energy and loved being a morning person. One time at the beach I got stung by jelly fish all over my legs and before I even finished screaming she scooped me out of the ocean and ran across the beach with sand hot enough to blister the skin and down the block barefoot through gravel to get me home. I felt so safe in her arms knowing that whatever magic she had planned was going to make it all better. And of course, her secret magic potion of baking soda and water did the trick. She showed Wendy and I this very special dance that started in one end of the house and ended in the other. Wendy and I squirmed and jittered waiting for the other sister to finish her dance with mom so it was our turn again and mom never tired out. She was the very best at catching us when jumped off the counters in to her arms and my heart broke a little when she told me I had grown too big to catch. Mom played tennis when we were young and it was an outlet for her energy, and she enjoyed the social part as well. Playing tennis was the thing she loved that was her own. That ended when she was driving and struck by a teenager who was driving drunk. After she recovered her spine and back were never the same and she never played tennis again. True to form mom didn’t let that prevent her from finding a new outlet. This was when she shifted her focus to the temple and joined the sisterhood and choir, she also embraced members of the community who converted to Judaism and created one of her deepest and longest lasting friendships with Daphne.

Mom had magic phrases and words of wisdom for almost everything. Many of these I learned had been passed down by her mother. Here are a few:

No sex, drugs or rock n roll until you’re married. Always let your kids invite their friends to your house that way you always know where your kid is. When in the bathtub you wash as high up as possible, as low down as possible and then you wash possible. And of course, my all-time favorite that even my college roommate still quotes to this day…Girls, penis in- baby out.

Earlier I mentioned that mom missed the opportunity to attend college after high school. It weighed heavy on her that she never earned her college degree. It wasn’t because she thought the degree would change her life it was more of an acknowledgment to herself that she was just as smart as anyone else. Well this is how smart she was; she graduated Cum Laude with a degree in business administration in 1994, 33 years after she graduated high school.

I loved seeing my mom with family. And everyone in this room knows that nothing was more important to my mom than family. A lot of the time mom could come across as a little stiff and uptight but that wasn’t true at all. The side her family got to see was a lady who knew how to laugh so hard tears came out of her eyes, loved to hear a great joke, even better when dirty, and sit around talking without looking at the clock. She always had time for her family, especially Wendy and I. She had a tremendous bond with her brother Mark, my Aunt Linda and their kids Kim, CJ, Todd and Andrea as well as their kids. Growing up and watching the relationship between mom and the Maines Gang taught me how family should treat one another, how there is such a thing as unconditional love and when your family needs you, you drop everything and come running. It crushed her when 6 weeks ago when her baby brother had heart surgery and she couldn’t be there but she just didn’t think she could make the trip. I want to thank you Uncle Markie for finding the strength to be here this weekend with your family and showing off your foxy new scar. Seriously, just ask…he’ll show you.

Mom also showed me the importance of having a strong circle of female friends. There is comfort for me today knowing that mom’s life-long friends are here and carry on her memories and stories and every one of them has assured me I am not alone. Barbara Johnson was a high school friend of my mom’s and who I will forever be grateful. Mom and Barbara and dad used to go out to dinners together and when I was younger I loved my mom’s recap of the evening and looked forward to a future where I had nights like that and dinners that sounded so good. Mom and Barbara helped one another out in so many different ways and it seemed to me that one knew just what the other needed. Thank you, Barbara. My dad maintained many of the same friendships from grade school right up until his passing and their wives became another circle of friends for my mom. Each one of them sharing their memories of mom with me and again assuring me I’m not alone. I want to thank Mimi Nordlinger for being what Mom and I called our First Responder. No matter what Mimi always seemed to be the first on the scene even if she was in Florida. Susie Mann Shoemacher is another strong woman who is in some of my earliest memories. Susie actually went to school with dad but became mom’s friend from the day they met and who also makes me feel a little less alone. And the strongest female bond I was given the gift to witness was between my mom and my Aunt Patty. They met at 5 and 6 years old and they never looked back. I know they lived on the same street but somehow my memory of the story had to do with mom stealing band-aids from Aunt Patty’s house and having to return them. I am going to have to ask Aunt Patty to share with me the full story. 71 years. Can you even imagine the connection between these two? I don’t have a year in my life that I can’t think of Aunt Patty not being part of. Thank you Patty Polar Bear for every hug, laugh and heart break you shared with mom. I can’t picture her walking that 7 decade long path with anyone else. I remember one time hearing my mom on the phone talking to a friend of hers who was apparently having her very first hot flash in the dressing room of Saks 5th Avenue. This was pre cell phone but I heard my mom comforting her friend later in the evening. “oh dear, yes, I know how rough it is. No, it’s okay you sweated through that Donna Karen silk blouse, no one will notice sweetie, they have lots of other ones in stock. Yes, it’s okay you left it on the floor and ran out of there. You have to take care of yourself first.” At 14 I feared this hot flash they speak of but relished that I knew they were talking about something that was strongly female and needed to be respected. Well, guess what? I’m about that age now and thank goodness G-d has blessed me with the greatest circle of female friends any human could ever wish for. We might not be 7 decades in but there are a few ladies out there who I have shared over 3 decades with, who we drop everything when one of us needs the others and in that her spirit continues on.

I really have to say that I’m glad you only have 2 parents because there is no way I could do this again. It’s said often that you don’t get to pick your family but if I had been able I would have picked Mary Ann and Peter to be mine. They seemed like opposites but they weren’t. They shared the same values, goals and love of life. It really is such a cruel thing that 2 people who weren’t risk takers, did the right thing, played it safe and loved life should be taken too soon.

Mom, you had your family with you as your soul prepared to leave this world and join dad but you waited until it was only you and I in the room to say our final good-byes. I held you in my arms and played You Were Always on My Mind and Love Me Tender by Elvis and I know that you were showing me one last time that I inherited my ability to be strong and independent from you and that I could do anything. My last moment with you was the very hardest moment I have faced in my life and Lord knows I have faced some hard moments, but you are right mom, I can do this. You and dad both instilled in me the importance of facing challenges head on while reminding myself how much more is good in this world than bad. I never knew two people who loved life as much as you and daddy and I will continue to honor you by carrying on that love of life, by carrying on your determination to make sure that Jay, Jason and Nina create and live their best lives, by carrying on your unique way of making everyone feel important, by carrying on your kindness and compassion for others, by carrying on the private ways you gave back to your community, by carrying on your ability to weather any crisis head on without falling apart, by carrying on your life lesson of always doing the right thing and most importantly, Quinn and I will carry on where you and dad left off by continuing the tradition of role modeling for the next generation a marriage of deep love, integrity, friendship and respect. Together, like you and dad, Quinn and I will do our best to leave this world a little better for having been a part of it.

At this point I want to thank everyone for being here and I speak for Quinn, Jacob, Jason, Nina and Michael when I thank you for caring about us and supporting us through this heart ache. We also know that many of you are wondering were Wendy is because you want to offer her your love and support too. Wendy can’t be here today because she is taking care of herself and doing what she needs to be the healthiest Wendy she can be. I know she knows how many people here love her and wish her well. However, today is about honoring Mary Ann and celebrating her life and how lucky we all were to have her in our life so as a family we respectfully ask that our focus remain solely on mom. Thank you.

A note from Cindy- Please forgive any grammatical errors. I wrote it as I was reading it and also wrote it during a time when the last thing I was thinking about was punctuation.

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